"Look just get on with it," I said bursting with excitement."It's 10 days in Thailand and Bali," he said."Oh," I said."You don't sound happy," he said."No it's great," I said. "Just thought that you might have pickedsomewhere closer to home," I said."Look I hope you don't mind," he said, "but I've booked it for four sothat your mum and Robert can come as well, it's been a rough year for usall and we need a break." No I don't mind that was thoughtful of you," I said."We'll speak soon, I need to go," he said and with that hung up."Isn't it great," Mum said as I walked back into the kitchen."Yeah it'll be great, I'm looking forward to it," I said sitting up on akitchen stool and lighting a cigarette.So six weeks later we all stood in the airport departure lounge waitingfor our flight to Thailand. Me and Eddie walked hand in hand in thelounge the first time we had spent any time together since Christmas. Wefound an empty smoking booth and Eddie walked in with me to have acigarette, I lit. " I don't need a sermon, or a preacher, or some male role model, Mother.Can't you just let it go? I'm sorry that you found my things. I didn'twant that to happen. It's really no big deal. I'm sure God and I cancome up with some kind of compromise."I went to my room, finding that Mother had dumped my hidden panties andbras on my bed. I don't understand why she thinks this is deviant. And Icertainly don't need her preaching to me about God's laws. She'sdivorced, for heaven's sake. I was angry that she invaded my privacy. Iclosed and locked my door, stripped down to my panties and sat on mybed, crying lightly. I was hoping to never have this conversation withMother. Now, I'm caught. There's no telling what she's going to do withthis information. You'd think that after 14 years, keeping this secrethidden from her for so long, I'd be able to continue my false macho malefa?ade for another few years then move to my own apartment and enjoy thelifestyle of womanhood without fear of being.
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